Be kind, not ‘nice’.

As a recovering people pleaser, one of things I’ve had to learn is it’s better to be ‘kind’ than ‘nice’.

Recently, I snuck in a lunchtime haircut. 

The timing worked, but it also ate into my precious work hours.

So I made a decision to keep on working on my phone whilst I was there.

Ten years ago, I would NEVER have done this. I would have considered it the height of rudeness not to make small talk with my hairdresser for 45 minutes straight.

But nowadays? My thinking has changed. Not because I don’t care about people - I do care, a lot.

But caring for people DOESN’T mean putting social ‘niceness’ ahead of what I believe to be most important.

Caring for someone DOES mean showing them respect.

So when we chatted at the start of the appointment, I was fully engaged. We connected, smiled, laughed and gave each other our full attention.

So then when I said: “I’m afraid I need to do some work on my phone whilst I’m here today, I hope you don’t mind.”
Her response couldn't have been lovelier. She completely got it, it was a working day for her too after all!

So we both got down to what we had to do.
No awkwardness. No pressure to be 'nice'.
Just two people with permission to fully focus on their work, whilst being in rapport with each other.

The lesson I’ve been learning? Clear is kind.

It’s better to be clear about your boundaries and communicate them kindly, than to try to be 'nice' and feel resentful.

What lessons have you learnt over the years?